INTERIOR DESIGNER'S HAVEN

I am always fascinated with homey interiors, I get excited by just going in and take pictures. I am being bullied to post more photos but because of the little time I have during the day (and not to mention, to spend minimal amount of time online) I'll post these favorites for now. Due to insistent demand, and I rarely want to have my photograph taken inside a public place, sige I'll give in -- just please stop 58+ viber messages at night!

We found ourselves in this cozy coffee place. Being used to Coffee Bean and Starbucks, we both agreed to see what's inside. THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! I mean, MY ideal interior design. MY ideal coffee place. MY SAFE HAVEN. I once went to a branch in Cavite only to use the restroom. Pero ngayon, there is a reason to stay. I mean, laptop na lang ang kulang I can literally live in this place already. Please excuse my ka-OAan but we love the place so much, we are willing to spend an entire day just to watch an entire barangay of students come and go.

She told me I look like Carlo here. Only my face is flat and round and chinese-y. How do I even look like Carlo when the description is 25,000 miles far? Oh, what Meet Me in St. Gallen can do to a girl? Ugh.

But to tell you honestly, I always need to snooze a couple of times daily because of fatigue. But on a lighter side of things, we are both physically active. More me pala. And I was bullied, forced, borderline illegal to participate in Take Care program hahaha! To be honest, I love it. I am looking forward to it now. Going back to Interior Design, I love how all these things complement each other. Technically speaking, Coffee Project is an Interior Designer's masterpiece.

Trivia: The decor (below, right side) took me about 15 minutes to make. You may see this photo as simple and very easy to do but I am telling you that it's not. A normal person will see these as five random objects, random decors in a layer or possibly a weird upside down box in the foreground with four other random decors around it. This is how I see it now: THE PRINCIPLE OF CONTRAST means two opposing elements - I chose lines and curves with an organic touch. Balanced in subtle wooden texture and neutral colors. Trust me, there are faaar more complicated elements to choose from. To be honest, I played this one safe. I didn't choose fun colors because I thought it's easier not to use the color theory. Guess what? Medyo hard talaga sya beks!

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The left side of the image shows how careful I am for choosing the colors I am posting on Instagram because of this class. I have a recent post which is the Carlo-ish photo of mine, and it's too yellow, not following my standard color palettes! And I am at war with myself if I should delete it or not. Now my dilemma is this: for the next weeks, I need to post photos with yellow tones to make my feed beautiful. I don't like it when I criticize myself because of color palettes.

I have to go for now. Duty calls.

COURAGE

To you. I am not sure if I am at that point of you know what but you're a million other things. Thank you for saving me, thank you for opening that small glimpse of hope that I thought will be gone. This excitement is powerful enough to drive me through positivity of your mere presence. I don't know where this will lead in the next months but please know that I find the importance of TODAY. You bring peace to my soul and that's enough already. 

I WILL LOVE YOU IN LETTING YOU GO

I have understood the way this will go. I have grasped that you and I are on different pages, chasing different dreams. I have seen the ways that we have fallen into rhythm together, and the ways we have drifted apart. I have accepted that you came into my life for a specific period of time—a lesson, a blessing that was not meant for more than temporary.

I have learned that loving you means letting you leave.

As much as I’ve wished to change our stories, to rewrite our patterns, to create different endings than the one you’ve made, I realize now that you were always looking to head down a different path. No matter the amount of kisses and moments and words we exchanged, your heart was tied elsewhere. You never believed in what I did, never really had the faith that we would become something bigger. And I’ve accepted that.

Watching you walk away has taught me that sometimes people leave, and sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you cannot convince them to stay. And you shouldn’t have to.

I could whisper sweet words. I could scream. I could run after you with open arms, begging you to walk back into my life. I could cry and kick and cause a fuss, just to have you turn around and talk to me. But ultimately, you know where you want to be. And that isn’t with me. And I’m okay with that.

I’ve learned that sometimes love does not look the way we want it to. Sometimes we give our everything to people who do not return their hearts to us. Sometimes we dream of something bigger, something real, only to be left chasing shadows, grabbing ahold of whatever we can before it slips between our fingertips.

I’ve learned that sometimes you can care so much for a person, but you still drift apart. Because you are looking for answers in someone who does not even care to know your question. Because they themselves are searching for something else, something that does not resemble you.

And so, I have learned that sometimes loving is synonymous with leaving. With watching as someone walks away, finds their own path, own story, own hands to hold.

Sometimes love is the same as letting go.

And so I will love you in letting go. I will love you by giving you the freedom to do what you wish and chase what makes you feel light and free. I will smile as you turn and step away from me, into the arms of someone who, perhaps, can care for you differently than I could. Who, perhaps, is what you’ve unconsciously been looking for, every time your lips met mine.

I will love you in exhaling. In releasing all our memories and remembering them for what they were—beautiful and fleeting. I will accept that you are no longer a part of my present story, but care for you with a distance, a healthy separation.

I will love you in your leaving.

I love you because this is what you want and need, and who am I to tell you any differently? I will love you as we find ourselves in different stories. I will love you as you find your way, far away from me.

So often we think of love as present, as tangible, as right in front of us. But detaching from you has taught me otherwise—sometimes love is what we lose.

And we learn to love in a different way, learn to love by letting someone leave, by accepting their impermanence in our lives and acknowledging that they will always be a part of our hearts, even if they are no longer ours to keep.