TIME

Funny tho, I have more time to spare this month. And it's been really good. Not entirely because I have to be creative every night. Maybe God gave me more of this time to reflect and take life easy. I am not rushing anymore. I am embracing time now than almost a year ago. Maybe it's also His will that a lot of things happened this month giving me what I dislike the most -- TIME.

I have a love-hate relationship with time. If you're one of my avid readers from way back, you will remember that I always complain about time. I said sometimes, I don't remember how I got to a place and how much I want to stop it. But the thing is, you cannot stop it. It's a painful truth. And also, it's really good to make out of the little time you have left in your remaining 5.5 hours after work (assuming you'll sleep around 11:30PM) can you just imagine how tiring it was for me? Counting hours and chasing after it. Ugh. I still count. But I am embracing it now. And boy it's true that 5.5 hours is still a loooot of time. You know why? Because I allowed more of this for myself. For someone who's time-conscious freak, this is something that I didnt realize for the past 32 years. I also forgot about myself, I realized I was chasing the time for the wrong reasons.

ON ACCIDENT

I experienced my first and (I'm claiming it) my last vehicular accident last March. A taxi hit the side mirror of my motorbike and I fell on the pavement hard. I was so scared. I can't explain the feeling but it felt like God dropped me just like that. What if it was a truck. What if that was a jeep? What if napailalim ako? I could've died. I was scared. My mind was rushing I don't know what to do. I was shaking. I wanted to cry that morning. I was helpless. I was hurt. I sleep with lights on because whenever I close my eyes, I see the accident. Sounds OA ba? It's the truth. Totoo pala ang ganun at hindi lang sa movies. After a week, I regained my confidence. Thank God. I failed to recognize that the accident was a blessing and God still protected me from death. I didn't see it at first kasi napangunahan ako ng takot. I have so little faith that time.

ON TRAVEL

I was able to retrieve my Blogger password last week after soooo many painful tries. I can't remember how but finally, I was able to get it. So, it's been 2 years since my last serious update. I went to Tokyo last month. I seriously want to blog about the nitty gritty of that painful itinerary but it was soooo tedious and I am kind of lazy to that now. It was a tiring trip. We went to Tokyo Disney Sea. Got lost. Got tired. Had an emotional breakdown because I was waiting for someone to open the AirBNB apartment for me. I was waiting outside the house for about 3+ hours. Enduring the 10° cold, wind (typhoon-like) and hunger. Let's add the fact that there was a lady who shooed me away because she cannot understand English. It was heartbreaking. She locked her door like I was a beggar. It was intense. I wanted to cry. IT. WAS. INTENSE. Unforgettable. I wouldn't want to be the "guide" next time. It was fun but not fun. On a good note, another thing crossed off the bucket list!

We booked a flight to Singapore this year and we're going to Legoland Malaysia and Universal Studios! It was a spur of the moment decision. Is it? I think we were both impulsive on this but it's okay. (I am thinking now to add check-in baggage, haha! Kasi I thought about the chocolate mascot in Universal Studios. Medyo weird ako sa part na yun.)

AAAAND ANOTHER IMPULSIVE DECISION

Yup. I have another one of this. But it's on me. I pursued my long-time dream of becoming an Interior Designer. Char! Well. Sort of. I mean, God opened an opportunity. It was there! The schedule is pretty much for me and without blinking an eye, I did it. I enrolled. I hope it's going to be okay. Actually, I know it's going to be okay. God wouldn't present this opportunity if this isn't for me.

ON UNDERSTANDING THE UNEXPLAINABLE

Haha! When I was in college, me and Cielo went to a Christian Church in front of the school because we want to spend our long breaks playing board games. We were drawn into it! We went inside and a couple of people welcomed us, asked us to sit down and talked to us like we were drug pushers wanting to turn our lives around and seek God. They started praying with palms above our heads. And I said, I am never going to enter this establishment again. Super awkward. I attended Victory Church about four weeks ago. It was good! No one welcomed me to start asking for personal stuff and no pray-overs! It was a breathe of fresh air! No offense to the Catholic Church but Christian Churches are more engaging and they can explain things the way I wanted to understand it. My first thought after the service was: "why didn't I attend before?" And many more whys after that. :-)

One more thing. I realized I was reading the hard version of the bible that's why I cannot understand it! I switched to NIV. It's all good now.

CLOSING

I think I need to change my mattress. Ang sakit sa likod super. I just finished coding. Since when it become a headache? 

THIS IS IT!

I promised to post when I have time. Fast forward to December 2017 when I am at my busiest, I finally decided to update this blog. Yay! A few new updates, I am no longer part of the awesome SMDC Marketing Team for a year already. Has it been a year? Time flies so fast. Like yesterday was my last blog update and I almost forgot that I still have this cyberspace. Anyhoo, yeah. I resigned a year ago. Funny though, my last blog update says I began to feel that I actually existed, ladies and gentlemen!

I was excited because I get to do more and I got promoted! Yes, my first and would probably the last promotion I will ever have. This isn't a negative thing because honestly, I don't see myself climbing up the top management not becausoe I lack ambition. But I'd rather enjoy the simple life without the pain of dealing with stressful people. Believe me, I am no longer the grumpiest. I may have mood swings now and then, but nuts, I can control some of them already. I choose not to get angry over simple things. I can finally let go of things I know will make me angry and I am proud of it. I can handle difficult people now and probably some of them don't like me and I just don't care. I mean really, you are not being paid millions of pesos to care, right? And besides, like I said, life isn't about work. Yes, it feeds you. It can buy you things you like but life won't revolve around it. Sure, I spend about almost 10 hours a day in the office but that's how it is. Because you need to survive. You need to work to provide for your family.

I left SMDC with a heavy heart. Things aren't the same anymore but it happens to all of us. Una-unahan lang maexperience, parang ganun. I miss my friends. I miss my colleagues. I miss my funny team. Sure, there were times I want to throw a stapler at their faces, punch, shout at them and again, I realized now that, that's how it really is. Like when you're at home. You get angry and frustrated with your family. And it also happen in the workplace. I miss them. As of this writing, I still miss them. I haven't properly thanked these awesome people for teaching me valuable things in life as well as being in the design and events field. To my SMDC Marketing Team -- thank you! You've all been good to me even if I became the subject of your bullying. I know it's because I am the bunso and yeah, yeah I was cute and you all can't get enough of me. I get it. Thank you for pushing me to be the best that I can possibly be.

Sir Betsbo, Ms. Toni, Emil, Sir Ali, Migs and Allan

Tonight, I have this feeling that I want to let go of the past. I still find it hard but one step at a time. I am starting to sort all my stuff at home and filling this medium sized box of the things I want to get rid of and then I realized, i don't want to hold back anymore. I am a very sentimental person believe me. I try to find a reason to keep things (even people) but now, I don't think it matters anymore. I still keep my toys. I still keep most of them. But as you age, it's true that you'll choose the things you need and the experiences to keep you happy.

I prayed for this for the longest tiiiime my friend. I stay away from things and stories that will make me furious. I choose to stay away from Facebook as much as possible. It's that one thing that I've been praying for. That peace. I am probably about 30 to 40% at peace but it's better than no progress at all.

Enuf of the drama, friends. The past year has been rough and beautiful. I know it's going to be that way, 365 days. I'll end this year thanking the universe, God, for all these. I want to ask for two things next year: keep me alive and my loved ones safe.