WIP - WATCH ME NAE NAE

Ang labo ng title. Parang ako pag may PMS. Hay.

WORK IN PROGRESS KASI!

So! A little miracle happened this week when we had our weekly design meeting with our boss. Gusto na nya ng colorful sa 2016 SMDC Calendar. I want to make it different this time. I didn't use any of our existing photos from our library but I vectorized the buildings and added little/simple details just to fill lang the canvas.

I recycled some items from my previous work -- the LRT, Coca Cola cup and the trees. I made them for Mezza II Residences' vicinity map (2013) na hindi naapprove. Kung papalarin, baka maisama na tong mga to dito. (Lord, sana po maapprove kasi full po ang effort ko dito. As in. Lumilevel sa dugo't pawis. Ganern.)

Sana maapprove. :)

Yun lang ang panalangin ko ngayon para hindi ako umiyak. Haha!

AFTER A FEW HOURS UPDATE

Dear Blog,

After I posted my sad entry earlier, I browsed my previous years' post and realized three things: (1) i always feel sad. Like it's my default emotion. Oh Sadness, where is Joy? I thought I need to be sad so I can find Joy? I imagine blue and yellow core memory and Joy trying to kick Sadness out of touching the crystal balls. (2) I find joy when I observe and make a list of my observations. And (3) when I blog about my travels.

What else? I browsed my bucketlist. And I smiled when I saw that there are items I need to cross out already. Like, getting a passport, and some other stuff. Yes, I have my passport already (finally! After 8 years of planning to get one, meron na din!) And I look forward to blog every little details of my "out of the country" trips next year. Lord help me. :-) i want every pages of my passport stamped! (Including visas)

FIGURES AND SPEECH

Dear Blog,

When it's that time of the day I am trying to figure out what the hell I really want to do. I wanna try amigurumi, I wanna do handlettering (which I already spent some good amount of money buying calligraphy/brush pens, and a book just to put an end to my very little progress) i wanna join bazaars so I can sell some of the keychains I made and sell stuff to the people I think I share the same interests. I wanna go back to drawing but I stopped after filling the first page of my sketchbook. I wanna join the hiphop class in the office every Thursday. I wanna go back to playing badminton, I wanna be a samurai (because they're cool), I wanna plant trees, I wanna be in a rescue team, I wanna join SWAT, I wanna be a vampire, I wanna smash a zombie's head and there are sooo many I wanna do's right now.

There were days when I'm so happy I want to do things and I plan them in my head and discuss it excitedly and make a list and sleep. But when I wake up the next morning, there's my default blank thoughts doing the same routine - wake up really tired, ride the stressful LRT, wait for the cramped shuttle going to MOA Complex, walk, wait for the elevator, sit in front of my computer and think: what the hell am I doing with my life? What the hell am I doing here? How the hell did I arrive here? Like I teleported from nowhere. But let's be honest. Somehow, we've been through here. And no kidding, it happened to me already. When I plugged my electric fan in the office, I realized how did I get in here? I told no one about this not until today. And for two straight days now, I am feeling depressed and unproductive. The more I try to figure out what's happening to me and unable to get REASONABLE answers, I am sinking into the same blank hole again.

Sometimes I cry. Not because I am a coward but my heart is really heavy and that's the only way to get a decent 4-hour sleep. And recently, I noticed that when I pray at night, I don't finish my prayer anymore. You know why? Tulog na kasi ako. Last Saturday, nagising ako in the middle of my sleep dahil sa paglalakad ng mga tao sa taas, I thought it was noon already only to find out at that it was 5:21 in the morning! Pagod na pagod ako that night. And I was furious. I want to shout and throw myself out the window but instead, I prayed. I am not a religious person but I believe in Him. I just said, please put me into a deep sleep so I wouldnt hear a thing. I woke up 1PM after that prayer.

Tonight, I will pray. And thank Him because I am loved despite my sadness. I may not know what I really wanna do right now but things will be better soon. Malalaman ko din kung ano bang gusto kong gawin bukod sa pagdedesign at sa kagustuhan kong maging samurai.

I am feeling better now. Goodnight world!