12 WAYS TO MEND A BROKEN HEART

I personally think that this post is beautiful. Everything written in here are true. In order for us to move on gracefully, we have to do it for ourselves and we have to stop finding our happiness with the people who get along in our way. Misery loves company. I don't care, really. I experienced it already and I am really lucky to have a friend who supported me all the way. We walked along a few highways and streets talking non-sense. I still remember those fateful, yet encouraging times. I still hear her say: "you have to grieve for you to move on completely" God, she's right. She's a heaven sent. I feel bad to those people suffering from a terrible pain by keeping the relationship alive even when the person she used to share it with is half-dead.


"to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful," especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn't an option."
-Bess Myerson

"When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful."
-Henri Nouwen

1. Go through it, not around it.

I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here's a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: "Go through it. Not around it." Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.

2. Stand on your own.

One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I'm immersed in grief and sadness is this: I don't need anyone or anything to make me happy. That job is all my own, with a little help from God. When I'm experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it ... creatively, and with the help of my higher power.

3. Detach.

Attempting to fill the void yourself--without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back--is essentially what detaching is all about.

4. List your strengths.

5. Allow some fantasizing.

Grief wouldn't be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost.

6. Help someone else.

When I'm in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them.

7. Laugh. And cry.

You think it's just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tears (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away.

8. Make a good and bad list.

You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover's home (or apartment). You won't really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things.

9. Work it out.

Working out your grief quite literally--by running, swimming, walking, or kick-boxing--is going to give you immediate relief.

10. Create a new world.

This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe world--full of new friends who wouldn't recognize him in a crowd and don't know how to spell his name--where he is not allowed to drop by for a figurative or literal surprise visit. Take this opportunity to try something new--scuba diving lessons, an art class, a book club, a blog--so to program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning ... without him.

11. Find hope.

"There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness." But forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won't be with you forever, that one day you'll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a movie with friends. Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate, that if you try like hell to move on with your life, your smile won't always be forced. Therefore in order to forgive and to move past fear, you need to find hope.

12. Love deeply. Again and again.

Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can love again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before.

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

-Henri Nouwen