THIS IS IT!

I promised to post when I have time. Fast forward to December 2017 when I am at my busiest, I finally decided to update this blog. Yay! A few new updates, I am no longer part of the awesome SMDC Marketing Team for a year already. Has it been a year? Time flies so fast. Like yesterday was my last blog update and I almost forgot that I still have this cyberspace. Anyhoo, yeah. I resigned a year ago. Funny though, my last blog update says I began to feel that I actually existed, ladies and gentlemen!

I was excited because I get to do more and I got promoted! Yes, my first and would probably the last promotion I will ever have. This isn't a negative thing because honestly, I don't see myself climbing up the top management not becausoe I lack ambition. But I'd rather enjoy the simple life without the pain of dealing with stressful people. Believe me, I am no longer the grumpiest. I may have mood swings now and then, but nuts, I can control some of them already. I choose not to get angry over simple things. I can finally let go of things I know will make me angry and I am proud of it. I can handle difficult people now and probably some of them don't like me and I just don't care. I mean really, you are not being paid millions of pesos to care, right? And besides, like I said, life isn't about work. Yes, it feeds you. It can buy you things you like but life won't revolve around it. Sure, I spend about almost 10 hours a day in the office but that's how it is. Because you need to survive. You need to work to provide for your family.

I left SMDC with a heavy heart. Things aren't the same anymore but it happens to all of us. Una-unahan lang maexperience, parang ganun. I miss my friends. I miss my colleagues. I miss my funny team. Sure, there were times I want to throw a stapler at their faces, punch, shout at them and again, I realized now that, that's how it really is. Like when you're at home. You get angry and frustrated with your family. And it also happen in the workplace. I miss them. As of this writing, I still miss them. I haven't properly thanked these awesome people for teaching me valuable things in life as well as being in the design and events field. To my SMDC Marketing Team -- thank you! You've all been good to me even if I became the subject of your bullying. I know it's because I am the bunso and yeah, yeah I was cute and you all can't get enough of me. I get it. Thank you for pushing me to be the best that I can possibly be.

Sir Betsbo, Ms. Toni, Emil, Sir Ali, Migs and Allan

Tonight, I have this feeling that I want to let go of the past. I still find it hard but one step at a time. I am starting to sort all my stuff at home and filling this medium sized box of the things I want to get rid of and then I realized, i don't want to hold back anymore. I am a very sentimental person believe me. I try to find a reason to keep things (even people) but now, I don't think it matters anymore. I still keep my toys. I still keep most of them. But as you age, it's true that you'll choose the things you need and the experiences to keep you happy.

I prayed for this for the longest tiiiime my friend. I stay away from things and stories that will make me furious. I choose to stay away from Facebook as much as possible. It's that one thing that I've been praying for. That peace. I am probably about 30 to 40% at peace but it's better than no progress at all.

Enuf of the drama, friends. The past year has been rough and beautiful. I know it's going to be that way, 365 days. I'll end this year thanking the universe, God, for all these. I want to ask for two things next year: keep me alive and my loved ones safe.

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL: YAY I'M GROWING UP!

Well, this is probably the least blog post you'll expect from me but no, this isn't about my life in general because finally, I have been (and struggling!) trying to grow up in corporate world. Yup. Work related.

For years (since 2010), I was accustomed to the idea of sitting in front of my computer, waiting for Job Orders and try to impress every single people with my minimalist approach to design and layout. Haha! Kidding. But you get the idea. Very corporate. I waited for this opportunity! To get my hands on design software while I was just a Project Coordinator then. You know, processing of payments, tracking of every single movement of Job Orders, answering senseless phone calls and the likes. And at that point, I hated it.

FAST FORWARD TO 2016

For six years now, I am still that designer without the paper works and I loved every single moment of it. But all these years, parang may kulang. Parang I want more. But how? What is it? Until recently, My team was assigned with more responsibilities. Including paper works. Oh God.

Each one of us has specialization. Me and Allan, handles shoots and design agencies (print ads, etc.) Migs, renders and booths. Emil with design agencies too and Sir Bobet on fences and OOH. To tell you honestly, I kind of seem to like it now. Although it drains me to talk with lots of people, I can still manage to get through it. And right now, I am handling shoot. And I just had my first budget approved last week! Haha! Medyo ang saya. Or dahil bago pa lang ako ulit dito? But all those years of experience, and how much I hated very little information on emails, I managed to apply my experience by sending them very specific information. So no more questions asked. Kung meron man, very minimal na lang.

Honestly, I don't like being asked for updates. It's good that we have Project List meetings and updates. No need to be asked. We just send everything and that's good. And it's really helpful.

I have to go for now. I'll update when I have the time again. :)

A TRIP THAT STARTED THE YEAR

Lagi kong sinasabi, another thing off the bucket list! :-) I don't buy souvenirs because these used tickets, couple of bills from the country I visited are priceless already. But if I can't help it, I would spend more than 30 minutes holding a souvenir item from Disneyland. It's expensive, but it's worth the time na nagpabalik balik ako at paulit ulit na tinitignan yung price tag. Wala dito nun e. There are so many things I would like to say about my experience abroad pero sa susunod na post na lang. Haha!

WIP - WATCH ME NAE NAE

Ang labo ng title. Parang ako pag may PMS. Hay.

WORK IN PROGRESS KASI!

So! A little miracle happened this week when we had our weekly design meeting with our boss. Gusto na nya ng colorful sa 2016 SMDC Calendar. I want to make it different this time. I didn't use any of our existing photos from our library but I vectorized the buildings and added little/simple details just to fill lang the canvas.

I recycled some items from my previous work -- the LRT, Coca Cola cup and the trees. I made them for Mezza II Residences' vicinity map (2013) na hindi naapprove. Kung papalarin, baka maisama na tong mga to dito. (Lord, sana po maapprove kasi full po ang effort ko dito. As in. Lumilevel sa dugo't pawis. Ganern.)

Sana maapprove. :)

Yun lang ang panalangin ko ngayon para hindi ako umiyak. Haha!

AFTER A FEW HOURS UPDATE

Dear Blog,

After I posted my sad entry earlier, I browsed my previous years' post and realized three things: (1) i always feel sad. Like it's my default emotion. Oh Sadness, where is Joy? I thought I need to be sad so I can find Joy? I imagine blue and yellow core memory and Joy trying to kick Sadness out of touching the crystal balls. (2) I find joy when I observe and make a list of my observations. And (3) when I blog about my travels.

What else? I browsed my bucketlist. And I smiled when I saw that there are items I need to cross out already. Like, getting a passport, and some other stuff. Yes, I have my passport already (finally! After 8 years of planning to get one, meron na din!) And I look forward to blog every little details of my "out of the country" trips next year. Lord help me. :-) i want every pages of my passport stamped! (Including visas)

FIGURES AND SPEECH

Dear Blog,

When it's that time of the day I am trying to figure out what the hell I really want to do. I wanna try amigurumi, I wanna do handlettering (which I already spent some good amount of money buying calligraphy/brush pens, and a book just to put an end to my very little progress) i wanna join bazaars so I can sell some of the keychains I made and sell stuff to the people I think I share the same interests. I wanna go back to drawing but I stopped after filling the first page of my sketchbook. I wanna join the hiphop class in the office every Thursday. I wanna go back to playing badminton, I wanna be a samurai (because they're cool), I wanna plant trees, I wanna be in a rescue team, I wanna join SWAT, I wanna be a vampire, I wanna smash a zombie's head and there are sooo many I wanna do's right now.

There were days when I'm so happy I want to do things and I plan them in my head and discuss it excitedly and make a list and sleep. But when I wake up the next morning, there's my default blank thoughts doing the same routine - wake up really tired, ride the stressful LRT, wait for the cramped shuttle going to MOA Complex, walk, wait for the elevator, sit in front of my computer and think: what the hell am I doing with my life? What the hell am I doing here? How the hell did I arrive here? Like I teleported from nowhere. But let's be honest. Somehow, we've been through here. And no kidding, it happened to me already. When I plugged my electric fan in the office, I realized how did I get in here? I told no one about this not until today. And for two straight days now, I am feeling depressed and unproductive. The more I try to figure out what's happening to me and unable to get REASONABLE answers, I am sinking into the same blank hole again.

Sometimes I cry. Not because I am a coward but my heart is really heavy and that's the only way to get a decent 4-hour sleep. And recently, I noticed that when I pray at night, I don't finish my prayer anymore. You know why? Tulog na kasi ako. Last Saturday, nagising ako in the middle of my sleep dahil sa paglalakad ng mga tao sa taas, I thought it was noon already only to find out at that it was 5:21 in the morning! Pagod na pagod ako that night. And I was furious. I want to shout and throw myself out the window but instead, I prayed. I am not a religious person but I believe in Him. I just said, please put me into a deep sleep so I wouldnt hear a thing. I woke up 1PM after that prayer.

Tonight, I will pray. And thank Him because I am loved despite my sadness. I may not know what I really wanna do right now but things will be better soon. Malalaman ko din kung ano bang gusto kong gawin bukod sa pagdedesign at sa kagustuhan kong maging samurai.

I am feeling better now. Goodnight world!

NEW DESKSTUFF ITEM: SHAUN'S CHALLENGE

McDonald's Shaun the Sheep Happy Meal

I don't know how to call this little entertaining thing but it serves its purpose pretty well. The game's objective is to try to catch that red ball into Shaun's yellow thingy. As simple as that. It kept me busy for 30 minutes. :-)

Wala talagang kwentang post ito. Haha! Gusto ko lang magkaron ng bagong series. Deskstuff. Ye!

DESKSTUFF

Hindi naman talaga ako collector, but these are the things I hoarded for the past two years. Yung iba, matagal ng toys. Then the others, gifts. I collect even Cinema tickets, stickers, pictures, in which, you guys are also guilty. :-) I am just happy displaying these items in my office desk. I spend most of my living (living talaga, hindi gising) time here. I think I live here already. I need to ask for the building admin's permission so I could set up my bedroom kahit sa loob ng storage area. I could ask Daddy Henry Sy Jr. na lang pala for my bedroom here. :-)

Le desk. The computer and everything else. I want to keep it tidy kaya medyo konti yung mga nakadisplay. 

Coca Cola bus tin can, more mini cars, Lego logging truck and McDonald's dangling coffee cup.

I pin all the interesting and memorable finds/letters here. My favorite is that Mockingjay pin I got from SM North EDSA's Cinema guy (the guy who runs the cinema  at the projection booth). And that advance movie screening of Home because I won a Mowgli Vinyl Figure at their contest.

That's my Mowgli. Another techdeck finger board, Luke Skywalker and Hawkeye Mighty Muggs Figures, Penguin hand cream and Annie's wash tapes. 

My favorite display. It includes two  mini vans, and two techdeck finger boards. (Not in photo: Kre-O Transformers Custom Kreon)

Yup, I'm sick.

Madami pa yan. I kept them until mabilan ko sila ng glass display area, (SHALA!) para hindi sila madumihan.

WHAT'S KEEPING ME AWAKE, DOC?

I slept 12 hours straight yesterday. I am still awake at 3:30 on a Monday morning. And I have to go to work later. This sleeping needs to be tamed! It is getting out of control. This is just so sad. Namumutla na ako because of this.

What's keeping me awake anyway? The word "lie" and anything associated to it. People find it easier to lie. Bakit kaya? It's just sad again. 

That pup keeps on barking/crying every one hour. I need to attend to her. Hay. 

Some Facebook account I wrongly stalked earlier. I can't get over his kagwapuhan. He's so nakakagigil. 

The internet again! Damn it. 

Sent from Samsung Mobile

WELL GOD, THIS IS FOR YOU!

Tonight, I did something I wasn't able to do for the past four years and it made me really happy. Thank you Lord for everything. Thank you for our home, thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends and thank you for making me happy.. :-) I can't thank you enough for this peaceful mind and loving heart. 

Just wow. Thank you! 

Sent from Samsung Mobile