FRUSTRATED.

I can't sleep again and it's starting to really frustrate me. I stopped browsing the net early, I haven't eaten anything, haven't consumed caffeine and I went to bed early. I am not even sure if I fell asleep already. My head is really heavy but I can't sleep. My situation is really frustrating. I can't think properly at work, I am sleepy in the afternoon and my memory is really failing na. I don't know what's happening. I'm not even depressed.

I need to work today and I always have little time for everything. We've been pretty loaded this year and I need to keep up everyday. I have so many artworks to revise as in araw araw. Deadlines are everywhere! I can't survive another day drinking Cobra. God, it's gonna cost me my life. I can't go back to bed now. Sigurado akong hindi na naman ako magigising ng tama. My eye is twitching for weeks already. I really want to get a decent rest. 

God help me.

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2014 YAY MOMENTS!

So many good things happened for the past months and it's really awesome! 2014's been good to me. I owe this awesomeness to just One and I know despite of all my shortcomings, You will love me for the rest of my life. Thank you, thank you. Let's do this together. Yay!

1. I had a good 12-hour straight sleep last night! Yay! 

2. We had movie and merienda kahit may dysmenorrhea attack ako. Yay!

3. Yesterday is an awesome day dahil malamig ang hangin habang naglalakad sa labas. Yay!

4. I received a surprise Mary Grace ensaymada from EdJames last Tuesday kahit feeling ko bribe nya yon. Haha! Joke lang. Yay!

5. Nakasabay kong pumasok si Sir Eric at nagtaxi kami papasok ng office. Hindi ako naharass sa LRT. Yay!

6. Sir Ali gave me a CamperVan Hotwheels last Friday! Yay!

7. I had Mogu-Mogu and Combos tonight. Yay!

8. I spent so much time with Sarah Geronimo under one roof (again) last Month! And more kilig moments with her. Yay! Yay!

9. We went to Ms. Toni's for a boodle fight, booze, dancing, singing and playing. Oh and Miggy time.. :-) Yay!

10. I received my SLA certificate and I saw my savings from September to November with 6% dividend. Yay!

11. I have my multi-million peso savings now. And it's growing fast because of dividends. Kidding. Ang sarap sabihin kung totoo. Pero, I saved enough money to spend for Batanes with accom and roundtrip regular airfare plus other expenses, one week. I could go there three times tapos hindi ako mawawalan ng panggastos paguwi. :-) it's been the highlight of this year. Pinaghirapan kong isave for a year and a half and thanks to my Ate for saving and growing it for me. Thank you for convincing me that I need to do that before I turn 30. Thanks to SM SLA for helping me control my expenses and to BPI for earning me a little dividend every month. I love you all most especially my Ate. :-) Yaaaaaaaaaaay!! Think positive lang!

12. For the first time in 7 years, I received an excellent sa appraisal. I know everybody in our department received the same results but I didn't expect for myself. I am just happy about it. Not bad for a first timer. Yaaaay!

13. I tried ice skating already! But the boots are uncomfortable. Yay!! One thing off the bucket list!

14. We planned for the ultimate trip of our lives. Eurotrip! Yay!!

15. God called Wednesday last week. I went to Greenbelt chapel. Homily was for me. :-) yay!

It's easier to count things like these when you're happy. It's not everyday naman na happy ka because you get sad and tired from time to time but then again, that's life. I'm just glad I made it through 2013. God is there talaga. Hope, Faith and Love will keep you going. 

Cheers for more yay moments! 

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RANDOM THOUGHTS BEFORE I SLEEP. AND TRIVIAS!

So I noticed that I posted three times in a row since yesterday. Fourth today. Actually nagblog lang ako to add one para masabing updated na.. Haha, bwiset. 

I missed writing (Past tense talaga?) and reading. Hay, there's so much stuff to do during the day and I always have little time for everything. I just wish magstop muna the impromptu requests (like printing and image requests) para madami na kaming matapos na projects. :-( I really, really, really want to finish everything in one day. Because I have the fastest PC ever (because everything's new and I am the first owner. That's one year in the making ha!) Despite all the stress, I still love my job, the people I am working with and my company. They provided me the best of eveything. Well, it's an overstatement but who cares? :-) so now let's use hashtags here: #SMDC #SMDCStarLife #Marketing #BestJobEver #HighTechSmartPhone #MaisingitLang

Oh and oh, oh, I forgot to mention, close na kami ni Sarah Geronimo! :-) this is where I am so frustrated to insert a photo! More of this on my next blog na nga laaaaang. 

What else? I found myself in-love with Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker and his relationship to Queen Amidala. But it's a sad story. I am such a loser. Everybody else I know watched the movie from years back and me, nagsstart pa lang. Also, I forgot I bought Luke Skywalker's vinyl figure (Mighty Muggs) four years ago. Hindi pa ako fan ng Star Wars that time and I was super giggling like a three-year-old when I unboxed the toy last Sunday. Gosh, gosh! <3 

I also bought Legos for me and my nephew. I bought him a race car and I bought myself a log truck. :-) #BawasKayamanan

TRIVIA: I still get myself confused with the words "nephew and niece" and "condensed and evaporated milk". If I will to identify that a boy is a nephew, I think of Louie, Hewey and Dewey. :-) naalala ko pa yung part ng comics kung bakit tumatak sa isip kong theyare Donald's nephews. Isa ito sa sinabi ni Dewey: "I am so hungry I could eat three five-storey buildings!" With "gatas na malabnaw at malapot", minsan hindi ko pa din alam ang pagkakaiba. Lately lang. Because I always drink the Alaska in can. The one you pour in cereals. I think that's evap? 

I will start creating more Tutubi Comics and update Di's Guide to (Lazy) Life na. Yes? Yes? :-) madami nang bloopers!

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AN OBLIGATORY SLEEP UPDATE

I am compelled to post an update about me not sleeping today for work. Oh, and by the way, I failed. I woke up 7:41 AM today and arrived 23 minutes late. So much for trying to win the challenge, eh? 

I don't like using my email when posting. I can't maximize the theme of this blog. Meaning all the creative stuff I promised myself on doing for the past years. Well blog, you could be my diary. How'd you like that? You, me, and our personal-cyber-connection. Haha! 

I miss posting pictures. What else? I am inlove with Darth Vader. :-) 

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OH. ANOTHER 24 HOURS.

If there's one thing I hate about me being active, it's I stay up late at this hour (time check: 2:48 AM) and feeling really pumped. I could sweep our neighbor's front yard, I could scratch the muddy surface of a monster truck and friends, I don't do drugs. It's just that I am alive at most during the night. Let me tell you a story about this problem when I was still a child. 

At 7 months, my Mom would love to throw me out the window for not letting her get enough rest during the night because of my crying. End of story. Lagi kong problema ang pagtulog ng maaga. I guess hihintayin ko na namang mag-umaga. Kasi kung matutulog pa ako, I am sure magagamit ko na naman ang leave ko. Mahiya naman ako. Plus, plus, it's okay din because Sir Chad and Ms. Val made a commitment to split the Php 6,000 off our travel expenses to Vietnam IF we promise not to miss a day off at work. That includes ofcourse the lates and unplanned leaves. :-) the race is on. Challenge accepted. Haha!

My head is starting to feel heavy. Maybe if I put my phone down, aantukin ako. 

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BREAK UPS ARE REAL AWFUL

This may not be a good subject because of this very sensitive issue for my office friend, but definitely worth the share. 

As always, before I hit the sack (and because I found another set of excuses to maximize the use of my ever high-tech smartphone) I read articles in Play Newsstand. I got bored, and I thought about this office-department-friend suffering in deep depression as of this very right moment. 

She experienced her first real heartbreak, also with an office-department-friend (her first boyfriend) recently and this experience shattered her heart into tiny microscopic pieces. I read her blog a few minutes earlier and it got me thinking: how the hell she's gonna go through that pain in the morning? I know break-ups are awful. But if there's one thing I learned about break-ups, it's something you will never really understand unless you go through the stage of "bargaining". You know, that stage where you send him messages and ask for last chance(s) and forgiveness and all those shits and you promise to make up for your mistakes and be a better girlfriend and the list goes on... Or you ask for God's help to make your ex realize you're the right person for him and you promise to spend all your Sundays inside the church or feed the homeless from the day God grant your prayer. Yeah, aminin na natin, we've been through these bargainings. Bad news: that'll only make things worst for you.

Sometimes, (sometimes ha!) Break-up isn't always about third parties but because you need to free yourself from all the stress and all the drama. (Yun o!) The nagging is really getting on your partner's nerves and the stress is unbearable already, he decided to call it off. Sabi ko tuloy sa sarili ko, meron pala talagang ganitong reason. Because I don't understand it myself. Naniwala lang ako sa dahilan na it's love e. You do everything in the name of love. That no matter how you start hating the fights everyday, you just gotta ignore the stress because you thought at the end of the day, kayo pa din. You don't realize the respect is fading away slowly. And so you know what will happen next. I am not giving advices here. 

We had a conversation but I don't think she heard what I said. But I understand. Pero sabi ko sa kanya, please stop sending him messages because you will hurt yourself in the process. Her situation is really hard because she get to see the guy everyday. Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman nya tapos inadmit din naman nyang sya ang mostly may kasalanan. I also understand the guy kasi he got tired na. I wonder if she's sleeping already. I hope she's sleeping already and dreaming about rainbows and unicorns and eating chocolate milk candies. God please help her heal quickly. Thank you. 

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SARAH GERONIMO'S SMDC PERFORMANCE AND HOW SHE MADE A FAN OUT OF ME

Sarah Geronimo is one of the country's finest (and famous) performer. I saw her in person the first time during her photoshoot for SMDC, pero hindi naman ako na-star struck. I was like, okay she's here and I don't care, we'll watch her from behind Mark Nicdao's na lang. I was a little pissed pa nga that time because of some reasons. To sum it all up, I don't like her AT ALL. 

Right, she's pretty and talented but really, why do people go gaga over her? She's not even strikingly beautiful. Like, if I will share a room with her, I will not waste my time taking a glance the second time. Harsh. I sound like I hate her pero hahaha, hindi naman talaga. I just don't like her and I am very much firm with that. 

I saw her again for the 2nd time during SMDC Date Night presents Love Songs with Juris and Erik Santos in October. There was this plan that Sarah Geronimo and Angeline Quinto will perform and I rolled my eyes and said "right, Sarah G." and so i designed the invitations and found out later on na hindi na sila tuloy and will be replaced by Juris and Erik instead. Sarah is out of the picture. 

And then, we were informed that Sarah will join and introduce the two but there was no mention about her performance. The first thing na naisip ko that time was: "teka, wala yung picture nya sa invitation. Baka magtampo sya" hahaha! True enough, wala ngang performance. I was disappointed. I wasn't expecting a performance from her still, I feel disappointed. My irritation goes viral to my friends. I am really vocal about it. 

I saw her perform on TV and watched some of her movies and sing some of her songs in the shower but that was it. I do that because I like the movie or the song but not because I like Sarah Geronimo. I am not a fan of local celebrities o maging head over heels sa Philippine artists, well except siguro kung makita ko in person si Derek Ramsay, ibang usapan na yan. But with Sarah Geronimo? Nah! Forget it. 

THE FIRST GLANCE

I don't hate Sarah Geronimo but definitely wasn't a fan until her live performance last November 20 at SMDC Grand Showroom for Shore Residences' Grand Launch. It was the third time I'll be seeing her and again, I don't feel any excitement at all. I was assigned to record her performance but I arrived early just in time for her rehearsal. 

My colleagues and I went to her dressing room in attempt to record her SMDC introduction pero hindi natuloy. I saw her in her simplest appearance. In a white plain shirt, dark blue skinny jeans and I think naka sneakers ata sya. Not wearing make up makes her look like someone fresh out of the 6th grade. I was like, "what the hell?" she doesn't even look like the powerful Sarah Geronimo. I don't feel she's the Sarah Geronimo on TV, she doesn't look like someone who coached The Voice of the Phillipines. She doesn't look so famous at all. And in all fairness, she really is beautiful pala talaga. Strikingly beautiful. To me, she's some quiet girl who shared the four corners of the elevator with us. But this time, I am tempted to strike a quick glance at her over my shoulder. 

Me and Carla accompanied Sarah Geronimo and her bodyguard to the stage. We let them pass us and I caught a slight hint of her perfume. Medyo fruity and flowery and I can still remember its scent. I was looking at her while we're walking and she glanced back (I dunno) to check if her mother was behind us. 

HAIR WHIP SLOW MO EFFECT

Are you familiar with a commercial scene where this pretty young lady whips her black, shiny long hair gracefully in slow motion? That kinda happened to me. It sounds pretty weird but that time when Sarah Geronimo glanced back to check something behind us (in my direction) everything went slow mo. I was like "oh my God, this is not happening!" 

It was a weird experience. Well, because of these three things:

1. I was never a fan of her

2. I am not looking forward to any of her performances. Let alone, seeing her in person.

3. I heard she's snob and I am not fond of snob celebrities.

We walked until we reach the stage and it felt so light like I was in the mid-air or something. That Sarah Geronimo is so simple. So simple that I actually forgot she's the Sarah Geronimo! 

That short but weird feeling is well, brief because I snapped back in reality when I overheard someone said "bawal daw kuhaan ng video si Sarah" like, sorry but who says that? She's a celebrity and there's no harm raising your phone in the air and push that record button. Everybody does that in her concerts. Why not in her rehearsal?  

Ugh.

CHANGE OF HEART

After Viva Hotleg's Candy Man performance, James introduced Sarah Geronimo and welcomed her to the stage. Immediately, on cue, she sang "Tayo" (by the way, track number 4 in her latest album, Expressions. Get your original copy now!) ang galing galing pala talaga nitong taong to. My favorite part is yung line na: "Tayo, tayo, tayo, tayo, aaaaaahhhhhj" hahahahaha! Shit. In my subconscious mind, it says she's amazing. Really amazing. At heto na nga, si Sarah Geronimo talaga ang nasa stage.

Then, I didn't expect this change of heart happen so fast. Seeing her perform live is different. The next song really made my heart change in an instant. I fell in love with the song and how she sang, right away. Everything went blurry, I can only hear her powerful voice. This Sarah Geronimo in front of us is really amazing. And this time, my heart agrees along with its arch-enemy: the mind.

HAIR WHIP SLOW MO EFFECT VERSION TWO POINT OW

I fell into the bottomless pit of the earth and my heart stopped in an instant with this: she motioned a circle in her index finger, whipped her hair and turned away from the audience, now facing the big LCD screen, lightly rocking her head while singing the 2nd chorus (insert video) at isa na naman ito sa slow motion effect ni Sarah Geronimo sa akin. I was mesmerized by this specific gesture. I was amazed by her performance. I became a fan of Sarah Geronimo that night!

THE SARAH G AFTERMATH (PARANG BAGYO LANG)

I can't get over by her performance, November 21 is a Sarah-Geronimo-Ikot-Ikot day at the office, ginawa namin syang National Anthem. Everybody just can't get over it. Even the matons in the office admittedly sang a part of the song, and I know one guy who absent-mindedly hums "Tayo" in the shower. For someone who's not particulary fond of local maka-masa artist, this is a phenomenon (hahaha). I immediately ripped Sarah's recent album (Expressions) and synced to my ipod, Tayo and Ikot Ikot are on my playlist the whole day. (and at the time of this writing) After office, my colleague recorded a video of me lip syncing while dancing "Tayo." it was crazy! We were joking about me singing "Tayo" ng minus one lang and I said "hindi ko kaya ng wala si Sarah!" 

After that night, I always sing Ikot Ikot for the rest of my everyday life. This scene in Easy A describes me: (insert Easy A Video) 

FOLLOW THROUGH, THE PERFECT 10 CONCERT

I have a friend in Viva Communication and I asked her if by any chance, she has an extra Perfect 10 concert ticket in MOA Arena. Not so long after that, i got a positive response and it was the happiest moment of my life. This is the 4th time in 2013 na makikita ko sya. So for the whole time inside the arena, I video recorded almost all her songs. Sometimes, I was too quiet to compliment and most of the time, I am giddy as a teen-age girl. Kilig na kilig ako! For the record, that was my FIRST local concert and SHE is the first local artist I admired so dearly. Talk about being a teen-age fan girl. Ugh! I came from an archery game with my friends in Makati kaya super effort ako to go sa concert. They were joking pa na a large "We Love You Sarah" streamer is inside my bag. Hihi.

My friend said "she made a fan out of you, I can't belive this." I can't believe this either, but Sarah Geronimo is really something. That one performance in SMDC made my heart change for the better. This girl really deserve praises. She's multi-talented and God provided her the best of everything because she's a good person. Her parents are always with her during performances, concerts and rehearsals. I mean, sometimes I find it annoying but if not for them naman, baka Sarah is starting out again at this point. Or maybe, she's not in the limelight anymore. Who knows, right? 

KALMA LANG..

But for now, I love Sarah Geronimo. I love to see her perform again for SMDC next year. Last Friday, Ms. Val Peramide announced that Sarah will perform again for SMDC and because a fangirl that I am, I feel soooo giddy and excited about it! My face turned red because I can't hide my smile thinking I'll be sharing a roof again with this multi-talented girl. 

I don't care if she choose not to smile all the time or avoid looking at any of the people inside the room kasi, opportunity for me to just appreciate her from the distance. Hahaha! Fangirl na understanding. Shiet! I gotta understand her because we are alike.

1. I don't smile to people na hindi ko kilala. It's tiring din to say hello all the time.

2. I can't be really nice to everyone and acknowledge everyone inside the room. I am also a private person and I tend to be shy sometimes.

3. Gotta be true to myself. If I find it offending, I'd rather stay away from it. 

Eveything else? Yun na yun. One thing I realized why I love Sarah now is (emphasize sa LOVE) hindi ata nya narerealize pa kung gaano sya kagaling sa harap ng maraming tao. One weekend kasi, I spent adding a count to almost all of Sarah's Youtube videos. Hahaha! Aminado na ako, fine. Let's move on. I saw her dance with Teacher Georcelle for GForce's new instructional video ata. Naiintimidate pa din sya and kinakabahan despite her being famous and talented. I mean come on Sarah, seriously? You can do their pitik moves already! :) i personally think you dance better than Teacher Georcelle nga e. but of course that's how I see it, that's how I loved your moves. 

I just viewed her SMDC performance, and I am still in awe. Haaay.

WELCOME BACK TO ME FOR THIS MONTH

Its been awhile since i posted an entry. The people from genius department blocked this site and left me wondering why they would do such unfortunate thing. It's the only way of keeping me sane these days. I feel separated from my cyberworld. 

Ive been the same. Yes, i know, grumpy and peevish. Nothing changed except i was feeling empty than ever.  Been doing things intermittently and that leaves me upset for a little while. My productivity fades quickly thus, procrastinating is common for the past weeks. I know this is not fair, but the more I fight it off, the more i am feeling upset and unproductive. I spend more than usual, and majority of my spendings? You guessed it right. Food. And sometimes, i buy books, i search for toys for less than a hundred peso or ride a cab to and from some place in my periods of lethargy. 

In between sadness, I am in search for a package that could easily be drawn out from within. That is no simple task. I went back to my old hobby, find a new one, appreciate things that I have. But when i'm alone at night, sadness is creeping back in. I wish I could skip the nights when I am awake but feeling nightmarish. 

I started sketching. I made my own pocket-sized sketch pad from scratch papers in the office and i actually find it better than the inexpensive pads in National. I am not obligated to make the insides beautiful. I just sketch away and made my hand do the rest. I bought colored pencils, i bought a fine pen, i printed references but it just doesnt feel right.

I joined logo design contest, i did few studies, i did illustrations for an ipad game too. I wasn't chosen and that's okay and i stopped. I feel that its taking too much of my time. 

I finished the last eight seasons of how i met your mother, i am done watching the last seasons of the walking dead, the vampire diaries and white collar. And now i will wait 3 months to start watching the first episodes of each of my favorite tv series. I finished the first season of modern family but when i was about to start the 2nd season, the genius department disabled our network sharing and i stopped converting for my iPod. That leaves me hanging and finding what else to do. 

I started converting pdfs to epub. When im done converting, it takes just a day to finish one novel and then ill jump to the next. I read Hunger Games and Safe Haven in three days. I wonder why it's fast to read novels on a device than on a paperback? 

I have my little companion at night or when i am lying on the sofa. His name's George and he's a stuffed chimpanzee i got from a relative in Canada. He wears blue jumpsuit with a matching red cap that has his name stitched on it. 

I miss having night outs with my close friends. I miss the cramp in my stomach when laughing hard. I miss my friends so much. I rarely see them. Sometimes, i feel guilty for missing an important event in their lives. Some got married, some the christening of their first born and the 7th birthday of her daughter which i planned on attending for the past 4 years. I lost so much of these times and i am never getting it back. I am writing this with a heavy heart. I wanted to apologize but words are not enough to make things up for them. I feel bad enough to make this post. Sigh!

So i guess i know why i want my Enjoy friends to come over for dinner on weekends. My sisters made them pastries, and cook meals and we chat and laugh until its time for them to go home. I miss having someone to trust. 

I have a good family. We never ran out of food on the table. We have water for everyday, and money to pay for the bills. Im thankful that the money is mot being spent on medicines. I can play video games whenever i want to and my dad is not strict about that. 

My cousin from New Jersey commisioned me to vectorize some sketches and I was paid pretty good. With this, I thank them because my savings went a notch. 

Despite the things that i should be thankful for, i feel that something is not right. I feel something's missing. I don't know if I need to get out of town or something. It's like as if it's gonna change a thing. 

I hope this end soon. Because it's really draining. And I really am not happy..

THE RUSSIAN MAGICIAN

WIP: Updated self portrait, wearing Ushanka, pretending to live in a cold mountains of Russia.. :)

Russian Magician has a story: I work as a designer. Our job is to create corporate designs in less than 5 hours. In the Philippines, we call Rush jobs Russian or Agrentinian (Urgent) and Magician because sometimes, what they want us to do is the impossible. :)

DI'S GUIDE TO LIFE: IMPROVISED BIDET

The blue spray bottle can speak French now. 

Yep! Because of desperation and my frequent need to go to the bathroom made me use this genius invention / developed by Dr. Jules Montenier. I hate wiping my pwet with toilet paper with all the excess mess around that tiny hole (hahahaha!, I am so sorry for this uncensored post) Our company is generous to toilet papers, they refill every container inside the cubicle almost everyday.

But it's embarrassing to wipe your pwet, throw the paper into the bin and have someone else throw the paper with your waste outside the building. OMG. Hahaha! I can imagine how they hate their job sometimes by seeing the scattered toilet papers. So, to save myself from embarrassment and to minimize the hassle it's making to the Ate cleaning our restrooms, nagka-idea ako to use the "Spray Bottle"

I may not be the first one to come up with this idea, (I never tried googling it anyway) but it works pretty fine! All you have to do is to buy one, (a regular sized spray bottle costs around Php 35) fill it with water, aim at your pwet, and pretend you're playing water gun, while shouting inside your head: "fire in the hole!"