Lifted from my friendster blog dated April 13, 2008
I spent time with my friends for the past few weeks without realizing how much time it cost me. It’s been three weeks…
Three weeks of pain and disgust.
My father got hospitalized last April 9. Reason: Prostate Level II. I spent my whole three days there. The last time I remember being a prisoner at the hospital was December, 2003. I remembered how I painfully scribbled my experience on a piece of scratch paper for our Journalism requirement.
“My Christmas Vacation”
Even if I do not want to describe how I spent my Christmas vacation, I don’t have a choice but to tell the truth. I just can’t create things based on my imagination. I can’t even imagine great things at that moment. I remembered how I wrote the line “I do not deserve what is happening to me right now. I should be at home and enjoying.” I was counting the corners of that cold and empty room. Looking at my phone and wishing someone would text and grieve with me. I just can’t hold my tears. I went to the chapel and prayed like I never prayed before. I bought a pay phone card and found myself dialing the number 900-0877.
This time, I do not need to call anyone. They just keep on coming. A friend offered to take a walk at the hospital kahit gabing gabi na. Naglalakad kami sa gitna ng UST, grabe sobrang dami kong nailabas na sama ng loob. There, at that spot, tears ran down again. Mukha kaming tanga! But hey! At least it made me feel better. The next morning, another friend offered help at naghintay sa Jollibee Dapitan gamit ang kanyang mahiwagang mapa. That night, my officemates from Project Finance came. Ang tatlong Marias na kinukuhaan ko ng pagkain everytime na dumadalaw ako sa kabilang building. My phones kept on alerting me for new messages. Sobra! I am using three different phones with three different networks. Been receiving messages from people I least expect to remember me.
But then, I knew something was missing. I would like to find that out soon. I am really not sure of everything right now. But there is an exemption though. This coming week, my father will undergo another operation. I wouldn’t want to visit him at the hospital because I prefer not to see any signs of weakness.
How should I accept everything? I can’t find myself right now… I can’t seem to find things that are supposed to be within my reach. I just can’t reach them anymore. Life is not just about life. Life is not just about moving on and accepting everything. I know there is something I should learn from this. Whatever it is, I don’t wanna know. So many times passed…
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