AND NOW, I'M IN A BATTLE AND THIS ENTRY IS A PRAYER

I'm on a battle. An Unknown battle. A battle of struggle and survival. I am not sure about it right now, but I really have to let it out.

I've always wanted to feel loved and liked. We all do. There came a point in my life that I wanted to fit into a group of people from a decent, exclusive school in Manila. That's the time when I was chosen to be an OJT for The Picture Company as a child photographer. Again, I was intimidated. I can never be one of them. And so I quit. I have to.

Even if I don't want to say it, I realized that even if I am shy, I wanted to be the center of attention. We all do. We just have to admit it. I am not consciously aware of this before. It took me time to realize from a thorough self assessment. I feel happy being alone at our room. I feel contented staying at home listening to a rusty fan in the background. I feel happy hearing my siblings at home. I feel happy going down from an 11hour sleep on a Saturday afternoon. I do enjoy watching PBB Double Up (and Boys Over Flowers) alone or with an accompany from whoever wants to watch it beside me. I am happy watching afternoon movies from HBO while eating two packs of Super Thin and two pieces of Choco Topps while drinking Coca Cola. I am happy talking to God and share my disturbing thoughts on how to run my own life. I am happy connecting with my friends from here and abroad. I am happy seeing their YM names go online. I am happy receiving text messages from a friend or a family member. I am happy borrowing DVD movies from a friend. I am happy walking around Manila even at night. I am happy shooting for people with pay. Hahaha! I am happy doing this and sharing my thoughts on a virtual world. I may not know who else is reading this and thank you for your time. :)

I am happy. I found peace at last. After all the past years of running against a backdrop of bittersweet memories, I found peace! I'm happy to announce that, I found peace at home. I never really expected it here. I'm done chasing the shadows of my past. I'm happy living my life now. And God, please don't take me yet. I still need to learn things beyond my capabilities. I still want to live and share your words.

My sister had enough of sacrifices already, please don't let another big bad event ruin her hopes and prayers. I still want to live life as happy as I could. I'm done with the old "please take me now." Just let me live and help out here. I know you're listening. Hear me out. I still want to complete my bucket list. And oh! I still want to see my best buds go on and accomplish their lists too. I still wanna see my sister graduate and have her picture taken at Colorpoint.. :)

"Be a positive thinker, always put all your worries on God. Cause you know why? Only Him can give us peace. No matter how painful life could be , if you trust in Him you will feel the happiness deep within.,No worries, yes there’s still pains but this time you know how to handle every situation because you’ve learned and you’ve been stronger." -- A post by Riyah Dizon

True enough. Ever since I quit my job, natuto akong maging positive. And yes, we just need to take some time off for ourselves. I took the risks, and I am happy. I still wanna go to Paris. :)

Amen!